The Route One for Life Project

What up guys? Time for another blog but this time I’m gonna shift gears and talk about one of UMD”s most prominent experiences. This entails going to the Thirsty Turtle, a local sleazy bar where many students go to have a good time and get a little crazy. What I’m about to describe is not the norm at Turtle, but then again I wasn’t too surprised. Now on normal days at the ol’ Thirsty Turtle, menfolk huddle around the dance floor while masses of underage women provocatively shake their hips. Once a man has fortified himself with enough liquid courage, he ventures out into the arena of perspective female partners where he will most likely have his ego bruised and be sent off with a waggling “Dikembe Mutombo finger.”

However, there is a rare breed of Lady Terrapin that will INDEED accept an offer to dance– she can’t wait for you to ask her! And it won’t even cost you a drink… only your soul! I speak, of course, of the Stage 5 Clinger. Beware this succumbus, my friends, and be ever vigilent. For indeed this clinger seeks your soul. Hear my cautionary tale:

I went to Turtle one night with my boys. We were just hanging out downstairs in the side bar for awhile, until we decided to go upstairs to check out the scene. We were not amused, since the entire dance floor was packed with girls and guys dancing. People were dancing right outside the bathrooms for crying out loud! We decided to go back downstairs and headed for the back bar. That’s when I saw her. A pretty cute girl who caught my eye and smiled at me. And like a fly into a spiderweb, she drew me into her trap. I went up to her and we started dancing. I had already lost. She started by asking me general questions of small talk such as what my major was and what year I was, which I didn’t mind. That should have been a red flag, but I didn’t sense it quick enough. Pretty soon I was walking her back home when she asked me for my number. Now when a girl does this, I’m flattered because usually I’m the one getting the digits. She asked me what I was doing the next day, and that’s when I wanted to escape. I had met the rare breed that I have heard so much about, but had not encountered prior to this night. I said I was watching football because it was the playoffs, but she doubted my response. I confirmed that I was and gave her a confident nod. I thought the nightmare would end there, but I was wrong. She asked me what my schedule looked like on Monday, and when I was free. I hesitated and decided to lie, determining to appear to have my first day of classes booked. On top of that, I met her roommate in a very awkward fashion -  since she was in her bed with a guy. I couldn’t believe this girl and thought in my head, “SHE HAS NO LIMITS!”

As soon as I dropped her off, I ran. I felt like Forrest Gump. I crawled into bed and was thankful to have survived. I did not talk to her after that night, nor do I hope I ever encounter a girl like that. Beware fellas, for I had met…THE STAGE 5 CLINGER!

Keep on rockin,

Roshan